Going away present


Going Away Present / Document 7

July 2001


What I'm going to touch here – if I were to go into it thoroughly – I could write a book 'this' big, and I could write a commentary 'this' big. I'd like to keep it down to a few words, so I'll lay it out as I see it, and I guess I'll be open to some suggestions afterwards.

First of all I've got some questions for Sari, before trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. Maybe I can get a few quick answers.

When is Hillel arriving back here?

Sari : He's not coming back.

Alan : He's not coming back – the whole move is in your hands?

ari : Yes.

Alan : You feel okay with that?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : You discussed it with him?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : Okay. Originally the movers were going to pack your stuff, but that's not happening now – is that correct?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : How far did you get along with the  packing?

Sari : Quite a . . .

Alan : Not 'quite', how much? 50%, 10%, 90%. Not quite – 'quite' doesn't mean anything.

Sari : 50%.

Alan : And the furniture in the house – it all belongs to you?

Sari : No, part of it is staying.

Alan : So, how is it being moved to Ashkelon? When is the trucker coming?

Sari : Sunday.

Alan : You made arrangements for that?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : How big a truck?

Sari : Seven meters.

Alan : So, no problem.

Sari : No problem!

Alan : Not at all? From leaving here, whatever you have to do, to being in Ashkelon?

Sari : In the sense of the material, moving the stuff from here.

Alan : Well, what other sense is there? I'm talking about 'life' now, not esoteric issues.

Sari : It's not a problem.

Alan : It's not a problem, no problem?

Sari : No.

Alan : You've got half of it done, and you've got five days left, starting from tomorrow, and you could actually do it in a day. The packing, no? How long have you been at it?

Sari : Since Sunday.

Alan : I see. What's the relationship with your soon to be ex-landlady?

Sari : I met her and I talked to her about it. I told her that I'm going to give her the house clean and painted in white – like she gave it to me in the beginning. And, that's it! And I hope that I won't be . . . I won't even talk to her, or see her. I told her that. That's what I wanted to ask you about, if . . .

Alan : 'You told her' – you're mixing up a few things. You told her what?

Sari : That she's going to see . . . that I'm going to leave her the key on about the 10th of August. I'm going to leave her the key near the house, she can come and see if everything is fine and we'll talk on the phone. I don't . . . I'm not going, I'm not planning to see her again. I'll do what I think is right – and that's it!

Alan : Our problem is that kind of vibration as a starting point, or an ending point. "I'll do what I think is 'right'" – is a horror! Who's going to do the painting?

Sari : I wanted to ask you about it, if I can get help from the people of the house.

Alan : You'll get help. But I'm not going to ask anybody to step into the vibration of what you just described – that relationship between you and her. Before you ask why and then tell me that everything's fine and right, I'll explain to you. Because, that's why we're sitting here right now.

I'm not going to add 'blame' which would be, as if, adding oil to the fire. The fact that it looks like 'nothing at all', 'everything's fine', shows the degenerate state of the society that we're living in. I don't know if it's an option or not for me to go into the gooey guts of this matter. To do what you want us to do – 'a little touch up, here and there' and carry on a miserable relationship with this landlady? To let you carry a miserable relationship with this person, who will pass that miserable feeling to the next person that moves into the house – into eternity. All the way into eternity!

People are ready to touch another human being, and leave it in a pool of poison. Can you only learn such things in this here 'holy land'? People tried to breathe, I suppose, in the gas chambers of Auschwitz. They breathed and breathed until they couldn't breathe anymore. So I think that's our conditioning here – we'll breathe in corrupted air, until we drop dead.

Now, that's the horror of the situation, so to speak, without going into too much detail. I'm still living in this community, where Shlomi is the landlord of Raffa and Rachel, and Shlomi's wife is the sister of your landlady.

Do you know who is going to move into the house?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : Also enemies?

Sari : No.

Alan : No . . . so we'll give the walls a little bit of a 'lick and a slick'? Did you sign a contract that mentions paint?

Sari : I ah . . . it was . . . it didn't mention anything but that I have to 'bring back the house exactly as I got it', which means that I have to paint it . . .

Alan : Are those the exact words?

Sari : That's what they say, yes.

Alan : The exact words?

Anat : Alan . . . I've been through the same thing.

Alan : Yes?

Anat : So what she says . . .

Alan : Are those the exact words?

Anat : Yes, like I was . . .

Alan : 'the house has to be returned in the exact condition that it was given?'

Anat : Yes.

Alan : The word 'exact' was there?

Anat : I had an argument . . .

Alan : I'm not talking about that, I'm asking what is written in the contract, that someone put their signature to! You put your signature to something and you don't know what you put your signature to?

Sari : I don't know if the . . .

Alan : You put your signature to a k'tuba (marriage contract)? You got married, didn't you?

Sari : Yes

Alan : Excuse the tone. You'll have to get over the fact that it sounds like complaint. No, it's just raising the energy to . . . this is the noise of my vacuum cleaner that you're hearing now – it roars. A vacuum cleaner roars. But it has only one purpose – to clean the air, to clean the area. Don't take it personally.

Alan : You got married – you signed a k'tuba? Did you?

Sari : Yes

Alan : Did you read it?

Sari : Yes

Alan : Do you remember what's in it?

Sari : No.

Alan : Yes, okay. That's from one extreme to an other – a k'tuba, to a rental contract! Does your word mean anything? Does your signature mean anything?


Are we in this country, in this world to fight with each other like cats and dogs? Because no one really remembers, and everybody thinks they're right. Everyone got abused – all the way from the hands of Hitler, to their own parents. You're not aware of that? We're a bunch of wounded animals with hardly a clear thought. And are you ready to live in that for the rest of your life? Angry and accusing, because there isn't a god-damn other person in the world that sees things as you do. Because each got twisted in their own way. And one twist doesn't understand another twist – if you haven't noticed by now.

There was a conversation at Stephen's house last night that went on for a good hour or more – about your 'request'. You said that you were going to talk to me about it, but the fact is you talked to five other people already, before you got to me. So it was obviously a confused area and it touches everything including 'who owes who what'. And we looked at it from as many angles as possible. Many things got clear as we moved along and by the end of it it became clear that you're caught between, as they say, the 'hammer and a hard place' – and you don't even realize it. You're caught between this house, this ship, and the ship that Hillel's running there. You're caught between the ex-landlady and – I don't know what – so many things. You're going to 'show her' – somehow!

There are different angles to it. If it were taken in black and white terms, you could say "no, no, no, no, no no"! And the mind is going "no, no, no, no, no no"! "You're going to give the house back to her 'the way she gave it to you' – dirty!"

Sari : No, it was clean.

Alan : Oh, it was clean. Okay, you also . . . have you ever painted a room or a house before in your life?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : Yes. I don't know where to get into this first. It's such a . . . you can't go to a wall that has been standing there for three years and just cover up a hand print. It doesn't work that way. It won't work . . . it'll look like a patchwork-quilt. It doesn't work that way.

They gave you a house with painted walls, but they didn't paint the ceiling – 'not nice'! Are we dealing with human beings, or are we in business with devils all the time. You want to spend the rest of your life 'sparring' with devils? What the hell does anybody think Work is about? Your personal convenience – or to get out of hell? Or you haven't noticed where we are? You should have noticed by now – it's miserable, arguing, even on top of the 'good-will'. Of course everyone's got good will and good faith, but look at the relationships. You're using your energy – I don't know – trying to pour all your intelligence and 'love' into a few small cups, a hand-full of 'friends' and family.

I think I'll have to raise my voice another octave if I want to make clear what I'm saying now, because you are used to arguing at this level.

I came five thousand kilometers to this part of the world, not to have some friends of mine go and give a few licks of paint. And also, you're going to be gone when they do the painting. 'You left her your telephone number . . .' I saw this 'child' in your house once, coming in with somebody to fix the heater in the middle of the winter. Your 'enemy' – angry, pained, confused . . . what the fuck do you care! Why should you care, and if you care, what the hell can you do? You're going to change her? You're going to be a psychiatrist? Another time she came into the house, angry like hell . . . 'It's not clean!' Was it in the contract – 'no animals'? That wasn't very clear when she came, the business with the dog, uh? What are you nodding for? What does that represent?

Anat : It wasn't clear.

Alan : Ah? Was there anything in the contract about animals?

Sari : No.

Alan : Nothing? But that was her complaint, right? And she went crazy, right?

Sari : Yes.

Alan : Well, how do you deal with people like that? The best you can, I suppose. I guess that's what you did, the best you can.

What do you do when you're insulted?

What do you do when you're crossed?

What do you do when you're not treated right?

We're in this life for a few precious moments. 'Soul material' – to see what we do with it at this level. You can bet your ass, that what's going to happen when you drop the body is going to be a result of how you relate to this level. You want to be a smart-ass, know better, fight the devil, bulshit, idiot Jew like most? Go ahead! But don't tell me you're working, or don't get an idea into your head that you know what the fuck love is, or truth is, or maturity is, or self-knowledge, or what other people are, and what world you're living in. I can't let you go away with that kind of illusion, if I have anything possibly to do with it.

The sickness in it is that we are perfectly ready to engage people and move from that emotional vibration. That's the crime! All the rest that I said doesn't really matter – it's just a few random pieces, take it or leave it, there's maybe a little truth in it, it misses some of the facts. You can turn it anyway you like – everything from taking me as some kind of a hysteric at the moment, to, I don't know what, just an 'arab lover'.

I don't want anybody that's got anything to do with me or this house coming near that person's property under the circumstances that now exist. I don't want a half a percent of that vibration touching this place! And it's awkward. That goes back to what was talked about last night – how come you end-off speaking to five people before you get to me? Can you explain that to yourself? You don't see the confusion in it? What's the problem? Do you have any sense that anyone of those that you asked has got any right to say 'no' to you? Don't answer too quick! Do you even imagine that that would be possible?

Television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke, television, coffee, smoke. They don't owe you?

Sari : No.

Alan : Well, you're answering much too quick. 'Why the panic for god's sake?' You spoke with five people before getting to me – what conclusion was reached? Nothing?

Sari : No . . . that I have to talk to you about it, if it is to be arranged.

Alan : You know, you have to remember that I am on your side throughout this thing – you understand? I'm looking at it, I'm poking at different corners to find the soft spot. Why the confusion? 'You have to speak to me!' Does that seem reasonable to you?

Sari : Not at the beginning. At the beginning I thought that I could deal with it with each person.

Alan : Do you know what each person is doing, other than what they might do there with you?

Sari : No, that's why I asked . . . I didn't . . . ah . . .

Alan : Yes, yes, well we're getting a bit of an education right now.

Sari : Yes.

Alan : It's not really the point. It's in the midst of . . . how can you get one clear something happening in the midst of a 'biyuv' (sewer). I'm not blaming you for it – this woman is quite a package, to say the least.

Sari : That's why I thought it's the best way to deal with it, just not . . . to bring the best people that I know that will do it perfect, and not to meet her. They don't have to meet her, I don't have to meet her . . .


Alan : Stand up for a minute, before I hit you (laugh). Relax, everything is fine. Who's the last person that got so heavy on you? Ever happen before? It's not the first time in your life, right, that someone sort of puts you in the corner and goes: 'ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba!' Anyone ever do that before?

Sari : Ah, yeah.

Alan : Who?

Sari : Parents.

Alan : Parents, oh ho!

Have a seat. Where's the cold water that was taken?

Uzi : You have it.

Alan : Okay, very good, I know . . . this is for you . . . I haven't finished . . . here you're going to get a glass full . . . 'this' big!


I've got to tell you something that's not going to make any sense at all – dollars and cents, for sure not. And I know I haven't the time to explain every aspect of it. The scenario goes something like this: Within two days – it has some room for adjustment, especially if I'm overlooking anything essential – within two days all your packing done, with whatever help is needed by anybody here. Everything that you're taking with you, in boxes, outside, including furniture, everything – in the area where you park the car. Car stays on the street. House empty in two days. That means Wednesday and Thursday. Tomorrow is Wednesday.

Sari : But we have until the 5th, when the truck is coming, and only on the 13th the new people come.

Alan : When are you leaving?

Sari : On the 5th.

Alan : Yeah. It's going to be finished by the 5th. It's going to be finished! I'll show you how, in the picture that I have. You're going to leave on the 5th and when you leave it'll be finished in my scenario. Just listen to it, step by step. We are left with Friday and Saturday. Sunday is the 5th?

Sari : Sunday.

Alan : Sleeping? The bottom room can be left liveable, because you're going to clear out all the other rooms, furniture and everything. You've got one room left downstairs. You can sleep there, or you can come here, to this house, you and the children.

Friday and Saturday: ten people from here – each one is going to go out and buy a bucket of paint and a brush, and they're going to come to the house, and in two days they're going to paint the house, and it's going to look like Buckingham fuck'n palace! You're going to leave a place that shines like a jewel. And the people that move in on the 13th are not going to have any of the complaints that you had when you moved in. They're not going to have clean walls and dirty ceilings. They'll have half a chance of  getting off on the right foot. I don't know who they are, but I'm trying to think of them as human beings rather than animals.

I'll tell you who's going to paint: Benny, Aviv, Anat, Hagit, Na'ama, Ronen, Adam, Uzi, Sari and Gilly. I'd forgot to put Juliet down here. That's ten people who are going to have a picnic. You're going to leave here with an experience that you haven't had before, for reasons that never occurred to you before. If any of these ten, which is now eleven, cannot show, we have three spares; Stephen, Tamara, and Alan. That, I'm ready to participate in. A 'lick and a kiss' on a bandaged pussy sore I will not touch with a ten foot pole! We're going to have just a little revolution. And whether our landlady likes it, appreciates it, or doesn't, I don't give a shit! It's sometimes called 'turning the other cheek'. For the sake of Sanity, and for the sake of Evolution and for the sake of Compassion and for the sake of Humanity and for the sake of Right. Not 'I'm right' . . . not that kind of right . . . not 'I'm right'!

Now, I am ready to hear any adjustment to that scenario. I'm kind of looking forward to this.


The sickness in this world, in this community, in this village, in this country . . . the sickness is like a tidal-wave of 'mugla' (pus). Maybe, maybe there's enough spark, enough maturity, you know, to light a little candle that says: 'oh yeah, well, that's not a bad idea!'

Raffa and company just had a blow up with this woman's sister and her husband where someone was left crying. After years of 'living together' they kind of realized they were still 'doing business'. Adolph Eichmann, around 1938, walking the streets of Haifa, on a stop-over on the way to Egypt – goes back to his ship and writes in his diary: 'the Jews are busy stealing from each other!' Now if that's going to continue, I get onto the next donkey, and leave this pathetic situation.

So, let's try to turn a corner and do a little Hasidic dance – 'ya yi  ya yi  ya ya'! In the midst of it there will be – what do they call it – an 'exorcism'? We'll exorcize the devil out of a poor, pained landlady. No more imitation of a Mafioso movie. She doesn't know how she got into this business anymore than you do.

Or, do you want to look at this as the army people would: 'what we need in this country is fighters'. FIGHTERS – that's what's missing. That's what it took the Jews two thousand years to learn! The one thing we will not be taken for in this country, is a 'friar' (sucker) . . . right? No friar . . . no paint ceiling . . . no paint ceiling . . . no friar!

H- - - Hitler!

Your co-ordinater is Ronen – anything to discuss, discuss it with him.